16 Things That Are Actually Ok

16 THINGS THAT ARE ACTUALLY OK IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT.

1. That if you look at Instagram, it would appear that everyone is more successful than you. Just remember that the person the step behind you is looking at your account and thinking that. And also remember that everyone photoshops themselves.

2. That you don't know what Hemp powder or Spirulina are. You've got through life without them ok so far.

3. That you don't have wild, up for anything sex all the time. Missionary is the most common for a reason, and in real life Anastasia Steele would almost definitely have Cystitis constantly.

4. That people on your Facebook might be getting pregnant, but you can't imagine a day when you don't have a full blown panic attack if you're a day late or slightly bloated. 

5. If your friends/that girl from work have more Twitter followers than you. They're invisible followers, not friends.

6. To sometimes eat a whole packet of biscuits in one go. As long as it's not an every night thing, you're probably fine.

7. That you wear most of your items of clothing regularly. NORMAL PEOPLE DO THIS. It may be the fashion blogger way, but if you buy something and only wear it once that's generally a stupid purchase. 

8. To not always have freshly washed hair. Who has the time? 

9. If you listen to music that's socially unacceptable for your age group. One Direction are lovely boys.

10. To start a list or letter again if you make a spelling mistake. It doesn't matter if it's just your food shop, it needs to look lovely in your pretty notepad.

11. To only use Salt, Pepper, and occasionally Paprika. Paprika is exotic, ok? It's red.

12. That if you live with someone, they only see you in pajamas. Who are these people that wear jeans at home and are they ok.

13. That most of your wages go on paying to live in London/whatever big city you live in, therefore you can't actually afford to do anything now you're there. Don't worry, you're still getting the..umm..ambience. And everyone else is at home watching Netflix too.

14. To whittle your friendship group down. Once you get out of school/uni, no one needs those girls that bring drama and that you're only friends with out of habit. Those ones that only speak to you when they want something? It's them. 

15. If you actually really enjoy those days where you clean your flat and do all your washing. You feel productive, the house feels ready for unexpected guests (not that any ever turn up) and you have first pick out of all your clothes (aka..pants. You don't have to wear those horrible lacy ones that bunch up).

16. If all of these apply to you. 

Do you know what I got for Christmas? Fat. I got fat.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I GOT FOR CHRISTMAS? 

FAT. 

I GOT FAT.

THERE'S FOOD EVERYWHERE AND IT'S GREAT. Although, not for our waistlines perhaps. So here's 20 reaallly good and wise (ahem) pieces of advice and key points to remember for eating around Christmas that I've gathered from across the internet. Hell Christmas only comes once a year. In the words of Elsa..let it go.

1. Eat at night - calories can't see in the dark so they won't be able to find you

2. Pandas are proof that you can just eat leaves and still be fat

3. Drink alcohol while eating something fattening, the calories will get drunk and forget what they're there for

4. Dieting is easy. It's like riding a bike. And the bike's on fire. And the grounds on fire. And everything's on fire because you're in hell

5. Use superglue instead of lipstick

6. Eat whatever you want. If anyone tries to lecture you about your diet, eat them too

7. It's a commonly known fact that diets can only start on Mondays. If you've screwed up by Tuesday, the rest of the week is guilt free as you can't start again till next Monday

8. If you start a diet and aren't skinny by lunch time, give up

9. Eat with water so the calories drown

10. If you can't get thinner, become a good cook and make your friends fatter

11. Nobody wants to hear about your diet. Just eat your lettuce, shut up and be sad. And stop side-eyeing my cupcake

12. It's the thought that counts. So if you thought about going on a diet and doing exercise, then ate a whole cake and took a nap, you're halfway there

13. Go on a seafood diet. You see food, you eat it

14. Wine does not make you fat, it makes you lean..against walls, chairs and peculiar people

15. Regret is a terrible thing. You don't want to look back and think "I could have eaten that"

16. If you are what you eat then you may as well be delicious

17. Juice cleanses are only worth it when you add Vodka.

18. If you need to start being healthy, first make sure you've eaten up all the junk food in your house so it's not there to tempt you

19. Have fruit salad for dinner. Make it mostly grapes. Ok, all grapes. Fermented grapes. Have wine for dinner.

20. If you think you're losing weight at Christmas, double check..your tracksuit bottoms have probably become untied.